so ermm senior high school. and i was aiming for being the loner ( dont ask me why ) but there was this group of 3 guyes and 2 girls that picked me upp after 1-2 weeks. and we all became friends exept me and this other guy in the gropp.
and after 2 weeks the group broke up into 2 grops and i made a group with the 2 girls and the other guyes made another group togheter. after some days talking and having fun with these girls i started getting a crush on one of them. and this was not a normall crush for me because i have been bulied from year 1 to now. and all the girls in all the classes i have ever been in was always ignoring me. so i have never had a crush or any thing like that not even female friends. but back to the subject.
she talked about her "boyfriends" like every day. and she was talking to other guyes all the time in class with her phone. and i was getting more and more outside of the group.
after 3-4 weeks of having this crush on here i finaly told here how i felt and when i told her that she told me somthing else that i was not suspecting. that she had just gotten a boyfriend.. ( (in my mind) SHIT!!!!) so well she denied me and i was broken really f-ing broken. and one day i made the choice to kill my self so i took my feld knife my dad had at home and went to the church.
and when i got there i dropped to my knees and just sat there for 2-3 hours questening my life and all that.
and then from nowhere i heard a voice that sade my name. i turnded my head towards the voice and it was her my crush.
she: what are you doing here?
me: just sitting here ( didnt want to say to here that i was going to kill my self)
she ok. im sorry for breaking you. but i just dont like you in that way you know. you can still be my friend.
she: i should probably go to the train station now so i can come home before 10.
me: ok. do so. ill be sitting here.
so yeah that was the most dificult thing that ive ever done. just try to tell her how i felt bu i did it. so now im heart broken and just feeling sad in general. well thanks for reading those that have actually read this. hope you understod how i felt/feel. thanks one again and happy holidays
mood: sad. but better now.
food: pasta with meatballs.
musik: Love this town by Rizzee Rascal